Relationships steps to fighting fair
Most relationships have some disagreements. This does not mean the relationship is over it only means you have a different point of view; it doesn’t have to mean you don’t love each other! When you have an argument or problem:
• Negotiate a time to talk about it that is convent for both of you. Stop having difficult conversations when you’re both very angry and tired. Ask, “When is a good time for you to talk, something is bothering me?” Healthy relationships are based on respect and have room for both.
• Don’t criticize your beloved. Attack the issue, not your partner. Open the conversation with sensitive “I” statements; talk about how you’re struggling with the issue. Don’t open with “you” statements and blame your partner. It’s imperative that you don’t blame your partner for your thoughts and feelings. Healthy loving relationships don’t blame.
• Don’t assign feelings or motives. Let others speak for themselves. You are not a mind reader. Healthy relationships realize that each person has the right to explain themselves.
• Stay with the topic. Don’t use a current concern as a reason to jump into everything that bothers you. Healthy relationships don’t time travel digging up old wounds from the past and use them as ammunition to fuel the present.
• Say, “I’m sorry” when you’re wrong. When you know you messed up, take responsibility, your beloved still loves you and it goes a long way in making things right again. Healthy relationships can admit mistakes then move forward.
• Don’t assume things. When we feel close to someone it’s easy to think we know how he or she thinks and feels. Stop that! We are not mind readers. We can be very wrong! Healthy relationships check things out simply by saying “Baby, what is your opinion?”
• Ask for help if you need it. Talk with someone who can help you find resolution, a counselor, a teacher, a minister, a Rabbi or even parents. Healthy relationships aren’t afraid to ask for help, they are committed to succeeding and are willing to do what it takes to stay healthy.
• There may not be a resolved ending. Realize that both of your viewpoints must be respected and honored without negative repercussions, be prepared to compromise or to disagree about some things. Healthy relationships don’t demand conformity or perfect agreement; do you really want your mate to be exactly the same as you?
• Don’t hold grudges. Grudges are the weeds that kill relationships, you don’t have to accept anything, or like your partner’s friends or everything else, but don’t hold grudges—they just drain your energy. Studies show that the more we see the best in others, the better healthy relationships get. Healthy relationships don’t hold on to past hurts and misunderstandings, let it go, it’s the past, go and give your honey a kiss.
• The goal is for everyone to be a winner. Seek to build relationships where you both get as much of what you want as possible, build win-win proactive loving relationships. If your partner feels like a looser, did you really win anything? Relationships with winners and losers don’t last. Healthy relationships are between winners who are solution oriented and seek out answer to problems together as a couple.
• You can leave a relationship. You can choose to move out of a relationship. Studies tell us that loyalty is very important in good relationships, but healthy relationships are now, not some hoped-for future development.
No matter the challenge, failure, disillusionment, or adversity the two of you are facing, if you work on it together there is nothing you can not overcome. Warm and loving communication is the key. Deep inside there is a deep wealth of knowledge and a soul committed to your Relationship :).
You’re a winner!
Let’s take action each and everyday to keep your relationship fresh and loving towards, I believe in you two soulmate.